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Saturday, February 13, 2016

My son, your fear will make you strong…a lesson in faith and trust (or first feeling broken and then redeemed)


            For God is not the author of confusion but of peace ... 
1 Corinthians 14:33 (NKJV)

My Beloved let me sleep late this morning. It is one of the many gifts he gives...rest. I committed to resting my temple today, I promised my mother I would, and have mostly honored that agreement.

Tired. Nonetheless, I arose thankful to see another day. Feeling overwhelmed, off put by brutally cold weather, and in desperate need of an infilling, I thank God that I no longer fight this feeling. I have learned to embrace still and quiet rather than snapping (or worse) at people I love. So, once I stopped being petulant, I remembered that quiet, that stillness is one of my deepest aspirations. I have often prayed for just this…Lord, I desire quiet closeness with You.  

I have made peace with uneasiness, I have made peace with my fears.  Formerly on days like this, I’d wallow and then determine to power through. Wiser now, armed with family and friends who lift and encourage me, I sit quietly with my discontent, even with my fear, letting it have its way, listening it its lessons. 

I am frequently afflicted with what I came to know as Jennifer Pastiloff’s  “the imminent fear.”
The imminent fear. Of drowning. Of people not surviving. Of what others think. Of breathing. Of living. Of dying. It’s everywhere, really. If you look. 
It’s as big as the ocean and beyond, and it will get you if you stop paying attention. 
Pay attention.
Listen: that is your breath. Listen: that is my breath. Listen: that is the wind.
Listen. This is your life.

When faced with fear, for me, there are only two options, fight or flight-and here’s a clue to my personality...

I don’t run.

The last few years have represented my embrace of the journey called Life through Fear. Hear my declaration, Be Afraid, sometimes fear is prudent, but NEVER Lose Faith.

Yes, this feeling is that thing-my fear; your fear The imminent fear. But listen to me my son, when you are afraid…naming your fear steals its power. Your fear is biggest when you fail to call it by its name. And then there is the thing that Jennifer didn’t  write, the thing that fills my soul, that draws me out of myself, not out of my stillness but away from my fear…

For God is not the author of confusion but of peace.

God is not the author of fear, but of peace. He created us for joy. He created us for praise. He created us to step out in faith, to walk towards God-sized dreams he planted deep within us. He created us to succeed. So, hear me, now and always, embrace the lesson, even when it’s hard. Accept with grace your imminent fear, and the resulting lesson in faith and in trust, and learning to see the success just beyond your reach. At first you may feel afraid, you may even feel broken, but finally redeemed.
Now, go change the world, wrapped in God’s and my love.








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