This year I affirmed my brokenness. Step one, though I didn’t know it at the time. Once affirmed, I needed to embrace it, by whispering the prayer, by living the prayer “Lord, please don’t fix me.” I needed brokenness for so many reasons. I needed to know, head down through soul deep that I could never be whole alone.
I AM NOTHING.
|He fights for me. |
I shall hold my peace,
and in this,
I covet your prayers.
START A PRAYER CHAIN WITH A TWEET
Richard Smallwood wrote one of my favorite songs, , Sin ti soya nada…Necesito tu amor, Senor. (I am nothing without You…I need your love, Lord.) I loved it, but didn’t understand it. I wasn’t close enough.
Being broken reminds me that falling from capacity into God’s Amazing Grace is a journey for which I’d trade nothing. It is also a journey I had to make, and finally, I am nowhere near done. I didn’t understand. I wasn’t close enough. God wants be pressed further in. He wants to draw me closer.
I AM NOTHING.
Matthew Henry, whose commentary makes all things clear for me, breaks down Exodus 14:14 in a way I understand, writing,
God brings us into straits, that he may bring us to our knees. …"Stand still," think not to save yourselves either by fighting or flying; wait God's orders, and observe them. Compose yourselves, by confidence in God, into peaceful thoughts of the great salvation God is about to work for you. If God brings his people into straits, he will find a way to bring them out.
You see, I AM NOTHING. We often quote Matthew 19:26, declaring in faith, …“with God all things are possible" but as is often the way with man, we've got it all wrong. We declare that WITH God all things are possible when the reality is WITHOUT GOD NOTHING is possible.
WE ARE NOTHING (without Him). WITHOUT HIM, WE ARE NOTHING.
That is my humbling realization. This is my new reality, and it is quite uncomfortable. God commands us to “stand still,” and failing to receive the lesson, He will drive us to our knees.
This is my confession--I lost the ability to believe something big could happen to me. I prayed, maintaining a relationship with God, but routinely went to my capacities, bunkering in to figure a way out in times of need INSTEAD of FIRST humbling myself before the Throne of God. He let me, and slowly I began to fail. He has always wanted me to press in even more closely. Now I begin to understand.
This is now my affirmation. I committ to doing the thing I do not know how to do...not act; be still. Instead, I will trust God and fall back into the arms of the community He gave me, accepting their offers to stand in the gap, knowing now, finally, that my job is to trust, obey, and Be Still. I'm going to be dismal at it, but my way just doesn’t work anymore.
Now I understand that God wants to take me further. He fights for me. I shall hold my peace, and in this, I covet your prayers.