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Tuesday, April 30, 2013

My rechargers…I am encouraging you

Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. 
Luke 8:47 (NIV)

I have become known. I am seen. My song (as was so eloquently written by Ann Voskamp) has been heard, learned, and riffed back to me, calling me back from my sad, my weary and my sorrow by my sisters. I push too hard, for too long, too often. It has been a rough season.

I am grateful; Despite what I’ve been through, God has been good. Knowing that life would lead me down this hard road, late last year He sent sisters into my life that would pray over me, call like angels to me from the edges of my brokenness, and let me be broken, but never alone.

Grace must be paid forward.
For my rechargers, I am encouraging you.
Let me tell you about my rechargers. Nasreen flung herself into my life, knowing my so intimately so quickly, reminding me to relearn things about myself that I’d written and forgotten, listening to the God in her who knew that I would need those things, and when. This encouragement is for you. Your insight, your spirit, is amazing. My empath, you reach into the very heart of me calling to do more, to see more, to love more, to share more. Your friendship is among the greatest gifts I never earned, and for God to pour you into my life I thank Him daily.  For all that you are to me, your humble spirit allows you to sees very little of herself. Here, now, and for as long as God allows, I pledge to pour back into you what you so freely give to me. Your kinship is precious to me, here and now I say “thank you, and Thank God for you.” You are remarkable, having reached through the screen and into my life to give me the gift of your voice, the music in your laughter, both your spirit and the silly, sassy, beautiful woman you are. Nasreen, I encourage you to fearlessly share your gift of encouragement. Give more of yourself to the world, and embrace the gratitude we pay you for your gifts. You recharge me, sing my song when my heart if broken, my voice is broken, and I am tired and afraid. You helped save my life, and for that I thank you. Girl, you are a wonder. Girl, you rock. Girl, I thank you. Please be my friend and my hero forevermore.

Writing draws me more deeply into The Word. That and deciding to partner with 99 former strangers to create first community and now family. We thought we were applying to a book launch team. We were, but God had bigger, broader, deeper plans for us, and Christine was among His Plans for me (Hallelujah and Thank You, Lord). I thought I was writing my way out of the wilderness (I am), but deciding it’s time to go and actually getting out are two different things. Clearly, God is not through with this time in my life yet. I thought I was lost. I thought it was a bad divine joke. Waiting to celebrate, planning to strut out in victory, I wasn’t ready for my year of the locusts; Christine was. God armed her, burnished her, anointed her to point and pray me in the direction of my life charge, Joel 2:26-27 because she’d lived through it and praised her way out. I didn’t know she’d matter so much. I didn’t know that she’d become a lifeline back to hope and back to joy. I couldn’t have known that she’d call in a tribe of prayer warriors just in the nick of time, but God knew all that the moment we started mouthing off together in the back of the virtual room. Christine, Bless God, you get me. Bless God, you got me in the moment of my great despair and refused to leave me alone. I encourage you to embrace your discernment, and your ability to see through someone else’s clouds and into their sunshine. You saw beyond my pain and my fear and prayed me through to stand (albeit) weakly on my feet awaiting His Strength. I’m not so afraid anymore. I know it will be okay. I encourage you to continue to live and love fiercely. Speak the truths that come through God to you (Gindi, can I get a witness?) Please never grow up, because I knew you and when I didn’t know, when I couldn’t know how much I’d need your prayers I’d already learned to trust you. Girl, you are a wonder. Girl, you rock. Girl, I thank you. Please oh please be my friend forevermore.

Holley said when you give it away you need to get it back, and now I know. Grace must be paid forward. So for the Grace my rechargers have given me, I give myself to them and I give myself again to You, Father. Take all my broken pieces and use them for Your Glory. I understand a little better why You put me here; why I broke, and why I’ll never be whole. Broken and blessed is beautiful when you are not alone.

I am no longer alone. I have become known. I am seen. My rechargers sing my song, making me better. Making me want to be like them, reflections of His Grace and His Glory in the world, wanting to share the God in them with all I meet. I am known. I am seen. The recharging of my sisters makes me beautiful, like Him. Like them. 

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