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Friday, April 12, 2013

Elusive peace...I know, I know…


Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;
Philippians 4:6 (NKJV)


I know what The Word says about being anxious; I’ve heard it my entire life. That is why I genuinely appreciate peace-when I have it, I know it comes from God.

I will worry, but I will not lose faithI will not lose faith. I will not lose faith.
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“Be anxious for nothing?” Yeah, right! I can be anxious if I want to be, thank you very much. I know anxiety. I’m good at it; I consider myself expert at anxiety. While it’s been years since I suffered an actual panic attack, I still stress about way too much way too often. My panic attacks came routinely enough that I mastered silently talking myself through them, willing myself not to flee the scene, calming my breathing, slowing my heart rate, sufficient that only if you were closely paying attention were you at all aware I was gripped by irrational and unrelenting fear. Thank God for control. There is much I still need to master in life, but I am grateful for His Grace in blessing me to focus when it’s critical. I know how to “fake it ‘til I make it” and that skill has served me well. Very well. (Too well?)

Awash in anxiety, I have a hungering and deep admiration for peace. Peace is best known by those who pursue it passionately, not necessarily those who have mastered it. I’ll get there someday. So, in reading Philippians 4:6, I understand Paul’s message. I didn’t say I’d mastered it, but I do understand it. One writer says “Care and prayer are as mutually opposed as fire and water.” I understand, but peace is a pursuit; a journey. I’m on my way, but not there.

The psalmist wrote, “seek peace and pursue it” (Psalms 34:14) graphically illustrating peace as a moving target. I am grateful for this wisdom, which acknowledges my struggle rather than dismissing it as a failure. That’s Grace.

I will not rest in anxiousness, but neither will I deny it. That would be dishonest. Since My Father knows my heart, I can be who I am. That’s Grace.

I will worry, but I will not lose faith. Even in my most anxious moments, I will not lose faith. I will not lose faith. 


OneWord 2015

OneWord 2015

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