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Thursday, March 28, 2013

Weary


My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. 
Psalm 62:1 (NASB)


When I have pushed too hard, rested not enough, carried more than I should, I feel tired. I know tired. Tired means taking time to rest. Tired puts her feet up. Tired takes a warm bath and goes to bed early. Today I am not tired. Today I am weary.

Weary feels like too much broken glass, shards flying everywhere. Weary spills tears without warning. Weary craves quiet, while tired doesn’t so much mind the din. Tired appreciates the blue of midday skies, weary is just plain blue. 


I’m hearing Billie Holliday in my head, “Good morning, heartache.” Billie could turn a phrase, speaking to pain like an intruder in the room. I don’t want to talk to my blues, I want them gone.
I’m just wallowing in being human. Lately, I am paralyzed by my humanness.  My soul knows that all is well, and that the peace that passes understanding soon comes, but right now I need a break.  I’ve grown weary. Weary is an empty cup, and Lord I beg You for an infilling.

In my weariness, I will be silent. Lord, send me stillness so I can hear from you. There has been too much noise, and I am way past tired. My soul finds rest in You alone, Lord, so with the last ounce of strength I believe I have, I run to You. Even in my weariness…

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