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Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Ready for more, if you say so, Lord (or, Going bigger for God…which I wrote last month)

Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain. And God granted his request.
1 Chronicles 4:10 (NIV)

“What do you really want more of in your life? Will you dare to say it out loud? Hint: it probably means having less of something too {ex: more joy, less stress}. Write a post sharing the desire(s) of your heart … (this week’s GSD challenge assignment)

I loved the Broadway production of Dreamgirls, which I saw with the original cast, and enjoyed the Oscar award-winning theatrical production even more. There is a pivotal song in the second act where Effie sings, “I Am Changing.” While I’ve always loved the number, it didn’t resonate with me (deep down in my know, as my Gayle and I would say) until recently. Suddently, without any warning, it is my hymn of praise. It is my answered prayer. Dreaming, meeting and getting to know these remarkable God-filled women, has changed me, forever.

I Am Changing
Henry Krieger and Tom Eyen

I am changing, trying every way I can.
I am changing. I'll be better than I am.
I'm trying to find a way to understand.
But I need you, I need you, I need a hand.

I am changing, seeing everything so clear.
I am changing, I'm gonna start right now, right here.
I'm hoping to work it out and I know that I can.
But I need you, I need a hand.

I am not wired to ask. Not to ask people closest to me, not even to ask God (I prefer to say "Thank You.) Only two weeks ago, I read the  Prayer of Jabez again, differently. I Am Changing, and now I get it. Asking God for more is simply another name for dreaming a God-Sized Dream, which you simply cannot accomplish alone. I have spent so much time alone. I Am Changing, embracing community. Changing, attempting a God-Sized Dream requires accomplices, sister-sojourners on every side. You need a community to achieve a God-Sized Dream, and that dream can only be undertaken by surrendering yourself fully, allowing yourself to embrace brokenness, by placing your heart within the Hand of God.  

So, what is my more? My more is embracing it-I Am A Writer. My more is praying for opportunities to pour out what God pours in, and having prayers answered by people I know and whom I don’t, solely through God’s Grace. My more is asking, scary as it seemed until the moment I did it, to contribute regularly to a team of writers I believe will encourage the very best out of me, and getting a “yes.” My more is accepting an invitation to write for a community of faith regularly, opening myself to new readers and new prospects because, in terror, but yet in faith, I asked God to enlarge my territory, and He answered that prayer. My more is taking up the mantle that my new dearest friend laid before me, “writing until…your Father says, "This, this, my daughter, is me in you to my world!”

What do I really want more of in my life? I asked God to enlarge my territory, and He has walked me away from the ashes of my former self and into the new land He is laying before me. My more is new land, different land. My more is bigger faith. Thank You, God. Thank you, Holley, and every one of my dreaming sisters because you prayed me into bravery. You prayed me into deeper faith. Faith that teaches me to be strong, knowing that faith does NOT MEAN I will always get what I think I want. Faith. Faith is this…

Faith isn’t an epidural. It’s a midwife who stands next to me saying “Push.” It’s supposed to hurt.”

On Tuesdays, I pray and and play with friends here...

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