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Tuesday, March 5, 2013

A Letter to the God-Sized Dreamers…

Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.
1 Timothy 4:15-16 (NIV)

Dear God-Sized Dreamers,
We’re going to make it, all of us. I do not know what “making it” looks like (though He does), but there is room on the path for each of us. Room ahead, room in the middle, and space at the back for late-comers, slow-starters, re-starters, and those of us with loosely framed desires who aren’t even sure where we should go, but knowing only that here is no longer enough.

Only God could plant me among you dreamers.
He knew I needed you.
Surrendered, broken, trembling but 
seeing no other way, I will serve. I will dream.
First, thank you, all. You are my tribe. You embrace me. In my mind, I’m always the 100th sheep, but you’ve found a way to make me know I belong. That’s one of your gifts, the ability to roll out the welcome mat. We’re not just talking tea and cookies (and not an ounce of Nutella if you know I’m coming), but a “make yourself at home” kind of “it’s all good if you’re here with me” kind of welcome. A welcome putting the visitor at ease. A welcome where I don’t mind being me; where you absolutely excel at being you.  

Thank you for indulging my quirkiness. For tolerating the scaredy-cat in me saying it’s not okay to share, and that I don’t always argue with her (I should). I need to master is transparency. I try, and people find me accessible, but while a big part of me is very open, there is at least an equal and opposite part of me deeply buried, held close, obscured. Fear keeps it under wraps. Thank you for understanding the parts of me that resist opening to community, and being the friends helping me with that…it’s getting better. Among the things I am grateful to have realized through you that I am my sister's keeper.  That having dreams means that my sisters, wherever they are on the path represent some part of the me that once was, but not who I am anymore.  Thank you for teaching me, through your actions AND your words that the kindness I show myself becomes the kindness I show everyone else. It becomes my way. You make me responsible.

I have a special thank you for God-Sized Dreamers way ahead of me. Yours is a special anointing, because you reach back to draw us forward. You say and mean things like God’s timing is perfect, even when it feels like nothing is happening at all. You write books that feel entirely like conversations whispered into my ear. You haven’t changed; you see us in you, and desire to urge us forward, though we are afraid.

I am thankful for a buddy who knows me well and cheers me faithfully. God planted her in my life, (she was a gift not a choice but thank You, God!), and I pray that I might grow to give away some of what she gives to me. Words like “Keep writing.  You. Will. Succeed" which aren't at all empty, because God whispers to me through them.

Only God could have planted me among you dreaming warrior women. He knew how desperately I needed you, and paying it forward serves the kingdom; that is my price. So, surrendered, broken, trembling but unable to be still, I will pay. I will serve. I will dream.

And I will live a life that says “thank you.” Thank you sisters, for your bravery and your hearts. Thank You Lord, for finding another broken vessel in which you plant a message in a seed, and nurture it to grow. Into something. Hopefully into a blessing. Not mine, but one that belongs to the world.

Love, me.

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