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Chaos, Social Justice, and Facing Fear in order to Seek God's Face

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You.  Isaiah 26:3 A warning in advance-in...

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Thursday, March 14, 2013

A lesson in faith and trust (or first feeling broken and then redeemed)

           For God is not the author of confusion but of peace ... 
1 Corinthians 14
:33 (NKJV)

I woke up this morning good and salty. Thankful to see another day, but feeling overwhelmed, put out, and in desperate need of an infilling. I thank God that I no longer fight this feeling. I have learned to embrace still and quiet rather than snapping (or worse) at people I see. So, once I stopped being petulant, I remembered that quiet, that stillness is one of my deepest aspirations. I have often prayed for just this…Lord, I desire quiet closeness with You.  

I was feeling some kind of low. Fortunately, I have family and friends who lift and encourage me. Loved ones who let me wallow just enough, and then lovingly suggest I get over it. Like now.
By the time I got around to Facebook, the Universe was finished sending my messages. Missives like Holley Gerth’s Your door is going to open. Words like…
He created us for joy. He created us for praise.
He created us to step out in faith,
to walk towards God-sized dreams
God chose us simply because He loves us....."Therefore, that the Lord your God is indeed God. He is the faithful God who keeps His covenant for a thousand generations and lavishes His unfailing love on those who love Him and obey His commands." Deuteronomy 7:8a-9
from one of my sister dreamers, who then posted this from Ann Voskamp, at which point I was done. 

Thinking back, there was the lecture my BFF delivered yesterday about my fear, and getting over it. She was right. I was thankful, and finally it all came together. Message received.
I have been afflicted with what I today know as Jennifer Pastiloff’s  “the imminent fear.”
The imminent fear. Of drowning. Of people not surviving. Of what others think. Of breathing. Of living. Of dying. It’s everywhere, really. If you look. 
It’s as big as the ocean and beyond, and it will get you if you stop paying attention. 
Pay attention.
Listen: that is your breath. Listen: that is my breath. Listen: that is the wind.
Listen: This is your life.
Yes, this is that thing. My fear. The imminent fear. But naming your fear steals its power. Your fear is biggest when you fail to call it by its name. And then there is the thing that Jennifer didn’t  write, the thing that fills my soul, that draws me out of myself, not out of my stillness but away from my fear…
For God is not the author of confusion but of peace.
God is not the author of fear, but of peace. God is not the author of…(feel free to add your own, and share in the comments, if you like). He created us for joy. He created us for praise. He created us to step out in faith, to walk towards the God-sized dreams he planted deep within us. So, I embrace the lesson. I accept with grace my lesson in faith and trust, or how I first felt broken and then (again) felt redeemed.

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