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Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Day 12 of 31- Just wait a little longer…

Day 12 of 31-
Just wait a little longer…

May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.

Colossians 1:11-12 (ESV)

What’s the difference between true patience and anything else? When you are truly patient, you will wait until…I am not truly patient, but I am learning. I am learning that the execution is not my job.  All I’ve got to do is show up. Take the first step in faith. Faith, you know, the thing that makes no sense. I’ve given myself one more day to rest, and then it’s back to business as usual…in the meantime, while we’re waiting for the soil (and for me) to be ready to take this God-sized journey out of the either and into reality, read something I wrote almost a year and a half ago, but clearly needed to hear today. 

 an injury played with my body,
messed with my mind,
and tried to wage war with my spirit.
I never let it get me down.
Ready to Run….    , and He shall direct your paths.
 Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:1-2

I'll run this race, nestled safely in Amazing Grace,
 I made up my mind, I dont have much time
So I
ll run, Til I Finish
Run Til I Finish, Smokie Norful

I might run today.  Outside.  Like run for real.  For the last 9 weeks, there is simply no way I could’ve considered taking a serious run outside.  I’ve been sidelined with a knee injury that played with my body, messed with my mind, and tried to wage war with my spirit.  While I was concerned, I tried never to let it get me down.  I tried to stay focused on the “so what now” portion of the equation, rather than “poor me.” 

Healing now, and certain that no chronic condition will prevent me from walking, dancing, and running this time around, I confessed in a conversation with my BFF, that I was suffering my version of depression.  Once again, she said the thing that makes me so grateful God placed her in my life.  Essentially, she said, confirming all my best fantasies about my tenacity and my secret life as a warrior woman, that while she knew I wasn’t myself emotionally, a) I didn’t need coddling, b) she knew I’d ask for coddling if I did (I wouldn’t), and c) I’d figure it out and probably laugh when I did.  I reminded her again that God knew what He was doing when He made her show up, and we put the matter to bed.

The lesson I learned about myself is that I am strong, There have been times in my life when I resented my strength, because I thought it would incline people not to help me, or even inquire, thinking I could handle it on my own.  What I’ve learned is that true strength is fearless, asks for help, gives you permission to take a break or make an adjustment, and that most of all, true strength endures, and doesn’t give up. 

I never considered not dancing.  I’ve been modifying choreography with the loving help and support of fellow dancers and our artistic director and choreographer since I first started feeling pain back in January.  Instead of backing out of the 5k run I agreed to do with friends this Spring, we pushed back and found another event.  My Faith mantra became “we’ll figure it out,” not “we won’t be able to do that anymore.” I figured if I couldn’t run the occasional 5, 8, or 10k any longer, maybe I could be a race walker.  I never considered giving up. 

This morning, with no pain, much joy and certainly not enough layers considering the 27˚ weather, I briskly walked my baby, which I haven’t done without pain and fear of falling since January.  We meandered more than a mile, and I could tell he was happy to be roaming.  It was really cold, but I didn’t mind. 

I think it’s going to warm up today.  I hope so.  I want to worship while I run, today.  I’ve been missing the solitary joy of moving through the air, losing myself in the breezes, logging miles and spending time with The One who gave me life, gives me joy and who never left me, ever.  So, while it may be cold today, I can choose to bundle up and go outside, OR stay in and wait a little longer for Spring thaw.  I have choices, and I choose to run on, because I’m ready.  Further evidence that God is Good. 
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