Cast your cares on the LORD and he will
sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
Psalms 55:22 (NIV)
I've been broken again. I'm neither stubborn nor masochistic, really.
It's just that I've got little engine that could-it is…I think I can. I push
when I should rest. I move when I should be still. I offer because I can. I have a capacity conundrum.
When God blesses
you with ability, there is a breaking point at which you should surrender, but
usually don't. It's not hubris, or at
least I think it isn't. (It probably is). We just need to learn to lean on God.
From the beginning. Not when we're weary, or when we're nearly out of gas. It
always comes back to surrender.
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Mom's To Do List…
Rest
and pray.
Delegate.
Get some rest and thank God.
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My capacity conundrum usually means I don't rest when I should. It often
means I don't let others help, even when they want to. (sometimes I just don't
know how to ask). My capacity conundrum may be pushing people away for reasons
I don't intend. My capacity conundrum is partially fueled by foolish pride
(ouch, I felt that). My Gayle and my mother validated my capacity conundrum
this week, as we were managing our way through Frankenstorm. They both said
they were waiting for my migraine (ouch, I felt that too). That means not only
that the people who know and love me best not only know the point at which I've
done too much, they even know what failure usually looks like. I've got to do
better.
Mommy came as close to paraphrasing Psalms 55 as possible when she
berated me, in love, this morning.
You need to just rest and pray. Delegate some duties to your off-spring
and see that they carry them out. No man is an island. You can't do it all. It's
easier when the load is shared. You're physically and emotionally tired. Get some
rest and thank God that a lot is behind you rather than in front. Be sweet and
I love you . Mom
I don't want to break like this anymore. I've made it my daily habit to
surrender, but I clearly that's not enough. I have a capacity conundrum. Before
I can deal with it, I have to call it by its name. Lord, I surrender. I cannot
do it all, and when I try, I fail miserably. When I don't immediately fail, I
put my capacity before your Grace and get things all mixed up. I don't like it
either way. I'm setting aside capacity in search of sweet peace. Capability is
for the birds, or at least it's not for me. I'm not quite sure how I'll give up
all I've learned, but I'm willing to try. I may have a capacity conundrum, but
I have a God who is bigger, so take that. I'm casting it all on Him, because He
said I could, and that's enough. A God expecting to claim my problems? That's
good.
