The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
Psalm 51:17 (ESV)
I'm growing again. I've learned much over the past 5 days. FB, Twitter, email and text are great places to bemoan your situation. I'm not really comfortable doing that….hmmm. Don't get me wrong, I complain. I am happy to cheer other's successes, share information, but rarely do I comment on how things are with me. I guess it's just my way. My mom quoted me yesterday, ( it's a Jersey thing) "it is what it is."
I am clear that God gives each of us work to do. Either we do that work, learn those lessons, grow in Grace, and move on, or we get stuck. Stuck is not good. And while it is human to lean on friends for encouragement when you're stuck, all I can do is encourage others in their struggles and keep moving forward. This morning, chatting with my BFF via text, my latest lesson came to me. God broke something new in me to reign victorious through this trial. Of course, I knew He would carry us through, but this time, my usual capacity for rallying the troops and leading the charge just wasn't there. I could not do it. I was ill. I HAD TO WAIT ON GOD.
Not unexpectedly, my husband and my children rallied. They always do. I felt (I feel) frail. I feel a little fractured. I need to stop. Take a pause. Breathe. Wait on God. REALLY. I read again what I've written before and learn that breaking is a process… Brokenness is the point at which you meet God. It’s the end of the line, the last stop before your first immersion in His Redeeming Love; the first time you figure out that whatever you’ve been doing isn’t working and the only way out is through your pain and into His Arms. We don't sacrifice to God once, we live a life of sacrifice. In writing about the 51st Psalm, Matthew Henry reminds us of the many differences between the Sacred and the profane…
Men despise that which is broken, but God will not. He will not overlook it, he will not refuse or reject it; The good work wrought in every true penitent, is a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart, and sorrow for sin. It is a heart that is tender, and pliable to God's word.
We don't break once. We offer ourselves continually, as living sacrifices. So, coming to the realization that I had to be broken again to go deeper, to learn something new both about myself and about the Will of God means only that I am on my way. I am not done. I'm growing again. I'm broken again. Brokenness is the point at which I meet God. AGAIN. God broke something new in me, and I'm thankful. Because though I am broken again, He did not build us to break beyond His restoring Grace. And He never meant for us to go it alone. So, when you think He's given you enough strength to get through your next trial, think again. You've never gone it alone, and you never will. I'm resting, recovering, and getting well. God's got it. In the meantime, I will praise Him because I can. Because through it all, I know God is good.
On Saturday, I am Still with Sandra Heska King