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Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Lighting my own candle in the dark...


The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed,
    a stronghold in times of trouble.
Psalms 9:9 (NIV)

(thanks, Lisa Jo for the inspiration. Praying your baby girl gets better soon)

For the most part, I am blessed not to need to be the brave one in our family. I am fearless and fiercely protective of those I love, but we live in a traditional family structure, and I'm the mommy; the fun one, the nurturing one. Imagine our sudden terror at daddy being ill; hospitalized, and mommy, though capable, needing to hold it all together. Here is what I have learned about life-there are no dress rehearsals. When it's time to do, the strong ones get it done, because there is no other option.

I was as strong and adept at keeping things in order, asking questions and moving things forward as necessary all day every day. I did what anyone would do under the circumstances, I got it done. At night, when no one was around, when I could watch my husband rest finally, in unguarded moments, writing my prayers saved my life. Among the things for which I was deeply grateful was the backlighting on my laptop. I literally wrote myself through the scary places, lighting my own candle in the dark. 
the Lord is a refuge...a stronghold
in times of trouble
. We walk through
fear to Grace, finding rest
TWEET THIS


I now understand in a different way that the Lord is a refuge...a stronghold in times of trouble. Studies have shown us that people who are able to spend time writing through difficult circumstances have better outcomes and less depression.  Let's look at David. David lived an extraordinary life, suffering extraordinary pain, often of his own making. He was human. Among his greatest gifts, in my humble opinion, was the ability to write himself through his valleys.

I am thankful that even in through my times in the valley, I never felt alone. I am thankful that I was able to write my pleas, my prayers, talking myself through my fear using my faith. I do not believe that Christians are never afraid. I believe that we have been given resources to walk through our fears to the throne of Grace, to find our rest and refreshment and refuge there. Listen to what my wise friend wrote about writing yourself out of the dark,
I write and scratch at all the complicated inside-outness of my own head. The words, no the writing the words down, they help make sense. I draw my own road map in reverse. It happens and then I write it.
That is what we writers do. With our words and lots of Grace, we light our candles in the darkness, and then we are less afraid. Thank You Lord for worship through the words. It is my reminder, even in the scary times, that God is good.
On Wednesdays, I pray and and play with friends here...

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