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Tuesday, July 24, 2012

A lesson in humility I might already know…

Do not boast about tomorrow,
    for you do not know what a day may bring.
Let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth;
    an outsider, and not your own lips.
Proverbs 27:1-2 (NIV)

"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

Sunday I published my 200th blog post. Entirely unaware that publishing 100 posts was a milestone, I failed to celebrate. Perhaps ignorance is bliss. As 200 rolled around, I shared my plan to throw a link-up blog hop commemorating the event, and nobody came. (well, some readers and friends were kind enough to email their congratulations and/or post comments, but nobody linked up.) This is so not a pity party, trust me.
My BFF called this morning to ask how the 200th was. I smiled and said, “oh, that was yesterday.” Before she could frame an apology, one being entirely unnecessary, we moved the conversation forward. You see, as I drafted #200, it occurred to me, “While I am hopeful that people will join me here for my first link up Soul Food feast, even if nobody came I’d be deeply grateful for the itty bitty soapbox blogging gives me.” Really. You see, if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, it makes a sound. It always makes a sound. A tree doesn’t exist to be heard. A tree exists to be a tree.

Yesterday lesson from the Universe was simple one…I am a writer. I write because there is inside stuff that must come out. I write because I cannot not write. I don’t write for a niche, though an identifiable market might someone else’s life (an agent, publisher, marketing guru) easier (I should have such problems). I don’t write to please anyone. I write because I am frail and flawed, but made in the Perfect Image of God. I write because it is a way to work through my surrender, my commitment to my faith, my solitary path to immeasurable joy. Even when I am sitting in my library, dog asleep at my feet as I write, I cry, rejoice, have breakthroughs, take breaks to celebrate or make more coffee to stay focused; When I don’t have anything to say, I say nothing. That’s advice mama taught me a long time ago; who knew it would come in handy here? I experience the lessons as they unfold upon the screen. I seldom know the end of the story until just before it appears. Only rarely are entire posts composed before I sit down. Just as the tree falling in the silent and empty forest is being a tree, I write.

A wise and wonderful friend of mine today wrote me “Surrender....It should be the word used when describing our faith. "I'm a Surrenderer"(Christian).” Yeah, I know, she’s really smart. I’m grateful she’s my friend. Writing has surrendered me. It is my act of obedience to His Will, my opportunity to struggle and fall, not fall and celebrate, to be an empty and transparent vessel sharing the bumps in the road in case anybody reading is on the road I’ve just traveled. I write so I can fall down and He can show us how to get back up again. I’m just being a tree.  

My Gayle sent a text this afternoon asking “how’s the party?” I responded, “quiet…I’m celebrating all by myself.” She’s smart too, and probably knew today’s lesson long before I figured it out, because her response was “never alone.” She’s right. I’m not, and never have been. Writing this blog constantly reminds me of that fact.  I haven’t the nerve to have any ego about my writing..It’s just what I do. Now I’m seeing that humility follows surrender. I know, it was there all along, but I wasn’t ready. It wasn’t time. I might be a tree, but I’m yet a little sapling. Maybe I’ll grow to be a sequoia, maybe not. For now, here is what I know. A tree doesn’t exist to be heard. A tree exists to be a tree.

So, thank You, Lord, for the times You’ve allowed me to be empty and transparent, so people might see You here and not me. I only get in the way, and it’s never been about me, even if I think this is my blog. It’s always been Yours, and You’ve let me share my knowledge of You in the hope that somebody might read, be still, and know. I know, as I never have before…God is good, and His Mercies endure forever.

Today I’m discovering all sorts of new things. I've linked with: Finding Heaven Today Finding Heaven TodayEileen KnowlesTime Warp WifeCall Me BlessedCornerstone Confessions. Join me, won’t you?

1 comment:

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