This day I call
the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before
you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and
your children may live
Deuteronomy 30:19 (NIV)
Sunday,
in worship on Father’s Day, the choir sang, “Let the church say “Amen.” Such a
simple song; one I’ve heard and loved for years. For whatever reason, and it’s been a tough
weekend for me leading up to Father’s Day, I knew I couldn’t just sit there…I
needed to cry.
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My
father’s been gone more than 14 years. I
am certain I grieved well, but sometimes it feels like it happened only
yesterday. I didn’t want to spoil my
husband’s day, and I didn’t want to impose my sadness upon my children, but
quietly, softly, even again as I type this, I began to cry.
I
give myself permission to be sad. Sad
things should make you sad; hurt is a natural expression of loss; sometimes it
still hurts. I cry for conversations
we’ll never have. I cry for things that
make me smile that I know he would enjoy.
Sunday was not a sad day, Thank God. We came
home to enjoy a breakfast created and handcrafted by my sweet girl (I will ask
if I can post her recipe later). We
prepared our home (and our yard) to receive family for a Father’s Day cookout
that has become tradition. I relished the
embrace of my father-in-law. It was a
good day, one that honored my daddy in the best possible way.
I
may always experience happy sadness when it comes to my dad, but that’s
okay. I choose to see it as always
wanting more of a wonderful thing that sadly, you know you can never have. I
will laugh at and through my tear to acknowledge the marvelous blessing he was
in my life. My memories are joyous, and
I will wrap myself in them even at the cost of some tears. The old Czech proverb says “Joy and sorrow sleep
in the same bed.” If that is the price of wonderful memories, I am prepared to
pay.
Today
is another day, another chance to make memories. There is a time for sadness, but also a time
for joy. I choose joy. Choosing is among
my most wonderful reminders that God is good.
