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Monday, March 21, 2011

Broke down, but not broken….

He Treats Me to a Feast; Notes from my Abundant Life

Broke down, but not broken….
            l
your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.’ The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18(NASB)

So I'll tell anyone who'll listen, I'll testify
about how good you were to me, 
when so call friends passed me by
the fact that you would show somebody
 so broke down, so much-mercy…
“I’m gonna be ready”
music and lyrics by
 Terry Lewis, Yolanda Adams, 
James Wright and James Harris

I’ve been nursing a bum knee for two months.  At first, it was just annoying.  However, when it began to adversely impact my life in ways I wasn’t prepared to accept, making it hard to dance, impossible to run, a struggle to wear heels and generally get around, I decided to do the thing I wouldn’t ordinarily do soon enough.   I found a sports medicine MD and made an appointment. And then I kept the appointment, AND went.  As you might imagine, my husband was furious with me for suffering as long as I did without curbing all activity, certain that I’d overdone exercise or dance, and almost got me to commit to giving up the movement I so love in order to heal.  I was broke down, but not broken.

Now I am awaiting test results, and facing the possibility of a diagnosis that could fundamentally alter my life. In the interim, I still dance, I exercise within reason, knowing that I’m not doing further damage based upon the MD’s assessment. I’m sure that some might see mt circumstances as less than optimal, and it isn’t.  However, I still have my faith, and I’m still fine.  I am broke down, like a car in the shop, but not broken. 

Brokenness is the point at which you meet God.  It’s the end of the line, the last stop before your first immersion in His Reedeeming Love; the first time you figure out that whatever you’ve been doing isn’t working and the only way out is through your pain and into His Arms.   I’m not saying that I’ve never been broken, and that I might not ever experience brokenness again, I’m just saying that my faith is holding me together and I am blessed to know the difference. Today, I’m just broke down.

You wouldn’t trash a car just because it wouldn’t start one time, and I’m not anticipating amputation if my knee (or my body) is seriously jacked up. I don’t give up that easily.  I don't give up. I’m not wired that way, and I’m not blessed to process in that manner (I think my wiring and my blessing are the same thing, but that’s just me.)

I thought I’d go to the MD and get my answer.  I expected this would be a simple process.  Rather, this is just another opportunity for me to acknowledge that God drives the bus, and I am merely a passenger sitting in the back, looking out the rear window.  From this vantage point, it is clear to me that I am not in control.  From this vantage point, I am able to rejoice at how far we’ve come, the Driver and me.  From this vantage point, I see the abundance in my life, the multiplicity of blessings, even if the stuff ahead is scary, ‘cause I ain’t looking out that way.  That’s not my job.  It’s the Driver’s responsibility.  God drives my bus.

So, while my knee may be broke down, and my life may need a tune up, I am not broken.  I am no longer broken, because I have surrendered to The One who Drives my Bus.  Considering bad weather, or the circumstances life might place on the road, this is simply further evidence that God is Good.

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