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Saturday, May 2, 2015

Even me….

Pass me not, oh, gentle Savior
Sinful though my heart may be
I am longing for Your favor
Whilst Thou art blessing
Oh, Lord come on and bless me
Even me Lord, Even me
Even Me 
by Elizabeth Harris Codner, 1860


Yet another reason why I am My Beloveds and he is mine? We grapple with hubris in our relationship with God. Meaning well, we confuse capacity with submission, believing that there are things we can handle and others that should be left solely to God. We don’t mean to presume, but we do.

God continues to bless our lives, though we have several serious petitions before Him for Grace (don’t we all). In a week where our world is mourning the disaster and loss of life in Nepal and the continuing unrest in the wake of Freddie Grey’s apparent murder in Baltimore, MD, My Beloved expressed a sentiment I myself had offered in prayer…

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Prayers of the pissed-off…

Unwavering? Unwavering faith? My faith wavers all the time, and that doesn’t mean that it’s not good enough.
me, self-talking off yet another ledge

Among my favorite exchanges in “The Color Purple” are those between characters Celie and Shug Avery. According to Shug, “Miss Celie’s Blues” is something Celie “scratched out of” her head. I get that. Artists need midwives. My sisterfriends routinely birth things in me that I could never manifest alone. Creation requires collaboration, unless God is doing it. He is God all by Himself.

I am grateful, y’all, and I pray you will be too. Regularly. Habitually. Talking with my Gayle the other day, “she scratched this out of my head when I was ailing.”  She does that. We’re in similar places for different reasons. Struggling. Life has kicked me and those I love, battered us, routinely grinding us into dust. I tried enduring it in Grace. I tried remaining faithful, humble and patient, Lord knows I tried. I have had enough.  I’m DONE. I’m OUT.

I believe, I pray, that DONE represents a new, deeper, more raw but more intimate level of faith. I am either too stubborn, too well indoctrinated, or too scared to do anything but believe. I am DONE with what used to work because it doesn’t anymore. Lord, help me. #3WordPrayers

Right now, I confess that this wavering faith, my current rhythm, these pitiful, often embittered prayers are no longer enough. This is not working. It doesn’t bring me joy, and I don’t want to be here anymore. While I am asking God to change my heart, I understand that I should not ask Him to change my circumstances just yet. (No, I have not lost my mind.)

Monday, April 6, 2015

GIMA (I’m mad, I’m angry)

Rants are cathartic, and I believe they can be good for the soul IF:
a)they are directed at things, NOT at people,
b) you are able to let what frustrates you come up, come out, and then let it go, and
c) they’re occasional. Curmudgeons may enjoy a certain charm, but nobody wants to be around one all the time.

Maybe it’s my age. Maybe it’s the phase of the moon, Maybe I’m just feeling some type o’ way, as we say, but there are some things I simply need, in Christian love, to get up, out, and gone, so here we go, in no particular order…

1.     This week’s headline that the TSA will no longer stop black women to conduct hair searches in airports. There is just SO much wrong with this, including a side conversation I had with someone well-meaning who asked, among other things why they hadn’t heard about this. NEWSFLASH-it ain’t just an issue when you hear about it. Ish happens all the time AND…I wish anyone would dare put their hands into my crown. Might just draw back a stump, as my momma would say.

2.   People were actually pissed off and vocal about the First Lady’s appearance at BETs taping of Black Girls Rock. People are MAD at the hashtag #BlackLivesMatter. REALLY?
*taps mic...is this thing on?* so...saying something "Matters" or someone "Rocks" does not mean you're saying anything or anyone else does not. We've all gotten too d~mn sensitive. I like salted caramel core ice cream way more than I should. What does that say about my feelings on any other flavor of ice cream, gelato, sherbet, Kool-Aid, etc? Not an expletive-intended-for-punctuation-but-NOT-expressed thing. Okay, I'm done with that.

3.    I don’t do April Fool’s Day pranks and foolishness. I don’t think they’re cute, I don’t want to participate, so please leave me out of it. I also don’t personally feel the need to preach a sermon about them, although some folks do. Fortunately, I managed to make it through this year’s day unscathed. Now, only 364 days until that comes up again.

4.    I read something informative about Jealousy the other day. The next time you’re feeling it, remember, you’re counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. That’s nice and all, but stay in YOUR lane. There is always something for which YOU can give thanks. Go do that.

5.    The title of this rant comes from Bobby McFerrin’s classic album Medicine Music, which was essentially the soundtrack for our wedding (Sweet in the Morning, Common Threads, the 23rd Psalm). You should listen to it. In fact, you should listen to the album. It always makes me smile, and after my curmudgeon fit, I probably need to, so I’m off.

Anger can be healthy, particularly when it it’s like a cloudburst-here and then gone, leaving clean skies, puddles, and even a rainbow in its wake. I’m good now. I feel better. Thank you for granting me the Grace to get through it.


Peace.


OneWord 2015

OneWord 2015

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